I'm sick... no wait, it's a commentary!

Hi out there! I am sick with the crud so I will get back to writing more in the upcoming week. My voice is shot, my nose stuffed and congested. I have been drinking a lot of hot tea. The kids will soon be on winter break (!) and I don't know who is more excited; Joe and Lily or me. We are looking forward to sleeping in, and the leisurely days, spending more time each other. Tonight I let them cook dinner, something very easy from a box. While it was baking in the oven, we took a short walk around the neighborhood to admire the Christmas lights. Leah especially loved it! That baby could look at pretty lights all night long. We even took our puppy, and she was wearing a little doggie hoodie. My neighbor's dog grew too fat to wear it, so Jewel got the hand-me-down doggie sweatshirt. Very cute, and useful as well (she is a Chihuahua, they get cold if the sun goes behind a small cloud :-). Well, I am off to have more nearly scalding tea. My throat seems to be craving super hot water, it feels wonderful and I can talk after about 3 cups!

Oh, here is a thought provoking thing I did today; one of my friends sent me a video of wedding -- an Iraqi wedding. At first nothing really stuck out as odd, it was just a normal Middle Eastern wedding... then you see a little boy, maybe two years old. He is holding a handgun. It looks like he is trying maybe to give it back to his daddy (who is standing up over the boy), but he is looking at something else. Then somehow, the toddler shoots the gun!!! And it hits his dad in the chest, killing him! This was all caught on a cellphone camera. Wow. There was a watermark on the video with a web address so I typed that into my browser and suddenly I was at an all Arabic web page. Me not being able to read Arabic, I pushed the translate button and I found myself on a news site. And it was really fascinating to see the news headlines in that part of the world. I could read what makes their news stories, see what sort of things go on day to day over there. It was so full of tragic stories; suicides, accidental shootings, rape, murder, bombings... and there were also graphic photos to go along with them. Of course the news here in America sensors the images, however we still report on the crimes, though it seems we have fewer horrific stories. I just tried to imagine what it would be like if the news I am used to watching was as raw as the news on that site. What would my frame of mind be like? My children as well, since they also see the news? I usually turn the news on every morning as I nurse the baby and Joe and Lily are getting ready for school. They float in and out of my room, catching little bits of each story. But since the news here is quite tame (compared to what I saw on the Arabic site), I don't feel bad letting the kids hear or see the news. They should have some knowledge about the rest of the world. However, if there seems to be a troubling story about Iraq coming on, I'll turn the channel since their daddy is deployed. They don't need any help imagining what could go wrong...

But what if our news showed the real pictures???!!! Raw, unedited, and sanguinary??!!

I am not writing this to suggest we change our newscasts here in America and start to show every gory detail. Nor am I here to denounce the news stations in the world who do show the horror in technicolor. I suppose I am just marveling at the difference of each culture. Trying to imagine myself living there, seeing those images on the news. How would that affect my frame of mind, the choices I make for my family? The way I protect my children? I also know my husband and my brother are living in Iraq for a while. So that is their reality right now. They may not be living in the big cities, sharing the same streets and market places with the locals, but they do interact with them, they do experience the same things and at times they even may see those horrors. So I ask myself, What if it were me living there, can I imagine myself living there? I want to understand what it is like for my husband, and for my brother. For all my friends and family who are there right now.

I think it is so easy to dismiss the nature of what it is like in other places in the world, places that are politically unstable and therefore physically dangerous. I know I have done it, put the danger out of my mind when my husband has had to deploy. He has been gone several times and I think part of me threw a defense up to deal with the stress. I never forget that he is in a dangerous place, how can I? But each time he has had to go, I have made sure to keep those thoughts from occupying my mind. To not allow the images and fear to fill my thoughts with worry. Moreover, I have small children, I've had to shelter them somewhat from what it really is like over there. They know a lot now, but I still protect them as best I can from uncertainty and distress over their daddy. Perhaps I listened to my own sterilized versions of deployed life a little too often. I have not let myself "go there" too many times, if you know what I mean. Otherwise, if I did, I think I'd be constantly irritable and troubled, if I let myself recognize what I know to be true. It is a different and dangerous world that my husband and brother live in for now. It is not all sand and camel spiders, scorpions and MRE's. There are guns, bullets, and grenades, with humans who will use them against another. And then I remember it isn't just Soldiers and the extremists they fight living there. There are also families, mothers just like me. They too rock their babies to sleep at night, and make dinner for their families. They take joy in celebrating the simple wonders of each day. All the same, they have a darker cloud over their heads, and I wonder if they think about other cultures. About societies who have a more coated and modest newscast. What might those mothers think of the place I live?

And even as I write this blog, my husband has called me from Iraq, a welcome break from such serious thoughts above. We are able to talk about our kids, talk about what they need to feel better about daddy being gone. We think about gifts we are going to buy for them, all sorts of little things husbands and wives talk about all the time. We manage to cram all that in with each phone call, those calls that never seem to last long enough. Those phone calls are like appetizers, making you hungry for the full meal, but of course the next call isn't long enough either, so you never really seem to feel full.

I began this post with the notion to make it quick, just a note to say "I'm sick, tune in next week..." and now it seems I've written a brief commentary on "The News Style of America vs. the News Style of the Middle East" as well as "Dealing with Deployment Stress". Well, I didn't see that coming. If I'd known I would still be at this computer chair 2 hours later, I would have made a cup of tea. Tea sounds great now, I think I'll go start a cup steeping...

Anyone who has any thoughts to add, or shared experiences dealing with loved ones in dangerous places, please feel free to comment! Or if you have nothing to really add, but you just like to type, you can comment as well! Have fun! Go crazy!

:-)

Just the two of us...

Making a book for Daddy
Originally uploaded by B_Williams

Every other Saturday night, there is a "Parents Night Out" daycare here on post. Since Erick is deployed, I have a special card that entitles me to free use of that daycare. Without the card, the fee is not too bad, I think $5 an hour. So, I signed Lily and Leah up and I took Joseph out this past Saturday night. He really needed some one on one time with me, so the timing was perfect. That morning Lily had a ballet dance to do, and there was also a holiday fun fest at the same place. We drove out to the place, it was a 30 minute drive (which is considered a long drive in Hawaii). Lily did her dance, the kids got to play a little at the fun fest, but the evening belonged to Joe and I. On the way home from the fun fest, we stopped at Walmart to find some crafts for our night. We decided to make a book for Daddy, but we made a wooden cover, front and back. That way Joe could use some tools!

This was my first time ever taking my kids to daycare. I have dropped other people's kids at daycare and I always found them to be a little depressing. Well, mostly just the infant room. The cribs look so instutionalized, all steel and plain white sheets... However, I know the babies don't care about what color the sheets are... they just need the basics; diaper changes, milk and cuddles. And there was plenty of everything for baby Leah. There were two workers that night in the infant room, and 8 babies were expected. Now that would certainly curl my toes to watch that many infants, but I also know these ladies are pro's, they have tips and tricks, plus a large dose of patience. And they were both soft and sweet with the babies. I had pumped milk for Leah for 2 days and I had an almost full bottle of milk (took me that long to get 7 oz, my hat is off to the working mom's who pump everyday). The daycare changes the diapers every hour, whether needed or not, so I brought plenty of labled diapers. And the two women in the room had the whole baby in each arm thing happening, they were feeding kids with both hands. So I knew Leah would have some cuddle time. Later, when I picked her up, the one lady said Leah wasn't liking being rocked, so they just laid her down in the crib and she put herself to sleep. I should have told them that when I dropped her off! Leah is a really easy baby.

So, once Leah was in the infant room, I took Lily to the building next door, the older kid daycare. They had a gym with dodgeball to play, movies, a fooseball table, books, crafts... you name it. Lily brought a blanket and pillow, but I don't think she stopped playing to ever need them. Lily was situated, Leah was set, it was time for Joe now. I felt really odd, like I was forgetting something, to not have a baby carseat, diaper bag and two kids to help through the parking lot. It was a nice change to just have one child for the night.

I started the night with fun and did something a little out of character for me. I grabbed his hand and said, "Joe, lets run! Let's hurry to the car, c'mon follow me, this is a short cut!!" And I took him along the side of the building, we ran through the grass field and all the way to our car. When we got there, he was all smiles, out of breath and just beaming! I had him sit up front and by the time I pulled out of the parking lot, he had already started to come out of his shell and was talking a whole lot.

We went to dinner at Ruby Tuesday's, Joe's choice. We shared dessert, and talked about all sorts of stuff. A great dinner. We drove home and immediatly went into the garage. I think Joe really likes to be in there, it is like Daddy's main room, it has his motorcycle and his scent (I often go in there to remember Erick). We got busy making the soccer book, starting with painting. We shared the jobs, I stapled, he hammered. We made it a team effort when we used the power drill. We both painted and glued, he did all the writing on the photos (he picked the ones he wanted to use). By 10:00 pm, he was so tired, but very happy. I told him we could just stop for the night and finish in the morning. We had a great time together, he opened up and talked to me, I was able to give him 100% of my attention. I had just as much fun as he did!

When I went back into the infant room to get Leah, I could hear her crying a litttle, poor baby. She had just been asleep, but woken up a few minutes before I got there. Once I went over to her though, before I even put the crib side down, she quieted down. She knew momma was back and she was happy to see me. It felt really good to hold her and she snuggled right onto my chest. They said she did well while I was gone, and she drank almost all her milk! Next time I will try to have a bit more milk just in case, I'll have to start pumping a day earlier! After picking Lily up, getting all the kids back into the van, I felt really happy. The Parents Night Out was a success! Lily had fun, but couldn't wait to go back home. All the kids were so tired, they passed right out fast asleep.

The next night (tonight, as I write this), when I put them to bed, Lily and I planned our evening together. We are going to go to dinner and dessert and then home to do makeovers! She will do my hair and makeup, and I will do hers. We will use the clothes in my closet to play dress up and of course, we will take pictures of all our beautiful styles! She is really excited about it, and Joseph is looking forward to going to daycare. He thinks it will be fun to play with other kids his age. He also asked about the next time he and I go out. I suggested we stay in the house and cook. And bake. He gave me a BIG smile, I think he likes that idea!!

The Parents Night Out is really meant for parents to get away for a night, to recharge away from the kids. I may sometime sign all 3 kids up and just have time alone, but for now, Joe and Lily need me. And this is an awesome way I can give them my time and attention.