Happy Birthday Bonnie, You Have Pink Eye!

Happy Birthday Bonnie, You have Pink Eye!
Originally uploaded by Bonnie_Williams

I'll admit, we've had a rough start this deployment. Erick had to leave about 30+ hours early. That threw me off a little, like someone pushing you off the high dive when you aren't quite ready yet. But we are getting on with it, the kids are bickering with each other a bit more than usual, but that is their way of dealing with it. Nothing too bad, it is just a lot of, "He's making fun of me, Mom!" or, "Mom, she's in my room and I don't want her in here..." Petty little fights, really.

So last night I was hanging out with the kids before bed. Joseph looks at me and says" You have an eye booger, Mom." I wiped it away, and noticed that my eye was very wet, full of a very big tear. I thought nothing of it until 5 minutes later I felt a wet eye once again. Once I looked at myself in the mirror, I knew what it was, Viral Conjunctivitis, better known as Pink Eye. Oh Boy! It had been going around school, but neither Joseph nor Lily got it. Lucky me! So I spent the rest of the night sewing my Halloween costume and wiping my eye. I set my alarm clock a tad bit earlier so I can be sure to get an appointment with the doctor in the morning. When I wake up, my eye is stuck shut -- I won't go into the details. One very warm washcloth later and I can see that my eye is almost swollen shut, I have just a little slit to look through. I wonder if I will be able to see to drive the kids to school (I was able to).

After all the shenanigans of the morning, i.e. kids taking too-long showers, rushing to eat breakfast, forgetting how to tie their shoelaces... I drop the kids off at school and go home to call my Mommy. I really needed someone one to talk with, and when you feel bad, who better than your Mom? She made me feel much better, she did her Mom magic that I guess I still need after these 28 years! So I went off to the clinic to hear what I already knew, I have pink eye. Yup. Thankfully the Doctor said Leah doesn't have it, and I will just get over it like one gets over a cold. So, as I walk toward the elevator and push the button to go down, I over hear an MP (military police) say "You all need to evacuate the building, we've had another bomb threat."

Oh sure, a bomb threat, why not?!

I took the elevator down anyway, since I had a big stroller, how else was I to go downstairs? While I was standing in that little elevator box, looking at baby Leah, I caught myself thinking, "What IF a bomb did go off while we are in here?" And then I thought about people who live in places with terrorists (like Iraq) and the mothers who live with bomb threats on a daily basis, as a part of normal life. What a way to live, what a different frame of mind they must always be in. I also thought of my husband, my brother Ed, and all the other Soldiers out there as well. They have to go live in that kind of atmosphere, the threat of explosions just a part of their day. That is true heroics.

Once I picked the kids up from school, things seemed to go a bit better. I had been planning a Halloween party for Joe and Lily. They asked me weeks ago, before Erick left. We thought it would be good for them, something for them to do to take their minds off Daddy leaving. I was glad to have something to do too! But now, with this pink eye, I don't want to infect my friends and their kids. I have decided to postpone it until Saturday, the day after Halloween. I hope people still come, and they don't think I have cooties! I won't be contagious then, and I think the kids will still feel like having Halloween-themed fun (I hope). So I printed out the postponed fliers and we took a walk to deliver them. Once we came back home, I checked Joe and Lily's backpack's for homework and there I found another birthday surprise: Joseph got in a fight and has detention tomorrow. Some kid made fun of Joe's socks and he pushed the kid instead of telling a teacher. And he also lied to me after school, because I asked him if the kids liked his "wacky" socks (today was "Wacky Day" at school...) and he said "Yup, they liked em', Mom." So there went his TV viewing for a week. I also had him write an apology note to the boy he pushed. On the plus side, Joe finally learned a math concept today!!! WOOOO HOOOOO!!!

This poor kid, he is surrounded by poor math-learners in his relatives. You might say he is genetically prone to have a hard time in math. I think he makes it harder in his head than it really is. However, a friend pointed me to http://www.mathfactcafe.com/ and he did several of the flashcards and worksheets. Best of all, he figured a short cut to math, the "counting up" when subtracting bigger numbers. He said, "Now I'll never need to use my fingers again!!" There you go, Buddy! You finally are getting it! Wheeeeww! --Birthday present #1

Lily saw how sad I was mid-day today. After the pink-eye fun, the bomb scare, the detention for Joseph, it was safe to say my 28th birthday was sucking (Actually, that would be an understatement). She saw me so, so sad while cleaning up the dog's poop in the laundry room - yes, the dog who is usually VERY good at going outside only, took a large crap on the rug (another b-day surprise for me!!) Lily came down with one of my necklaces as a present. Actually it was something Joe had found a few years ago, a metal heart with the word "LOVE" inside. He found it in a parking lot and gave it to his Momma - he was 4 or 5 at the time. Lily found the necklace I'd made out of it, and she "gave" it to me. She also drew a great picture - her and I with a huge butterfly and a huge bee. I love her pictures, I love to imagine the pictures coming to life and going inside them. I keep thinking her butterflies would sound like Bullwinkle the moose! She put a smile on my face. --Birthday present #2.

I thought I needed some time outside, and since the kids were playing outside, I decided to nurse baby Leah out in the front lanai (porch) with a book to read. There is nothing better for me than a baby at my breast who is falling asleep. Add to that a comfy round chair, a soft breeze and a good book = heaven. Leah fell asleep and I shifted her to the center of my chest, her face looking up at me. I could see her cheeks all pudgy and soft, while her baby lips were pursed like she was ready to give a kiss. And she gave me 20 minutes of this bliss, a sleepy warm baby and a good book to browse. --Birthday present #3.

I served dinner, served dessert. Gave the baby a bath and had Joe and Lily put pajamas on. I played a game of Ants in the Pants with them and tucked them into bed. I reflected on how my birthday started out awful, and didn't get much better through the day. But, I was able to find little bits of joy today. And I felt glad to have those little moments of happiness.

Then I got Birthday present #4 - Erick called. AAAAAAHHHHHH!! He is like the recharger to my batteries. He takes whatever is hurting me, upsetting me, bothering me, and kicks it to the curb. After hearing his voice, telling him all about the day, and hearing about his day, I feel ready to start again tomorrow. I feel ready to make tomorrow a better day, and I also feel ready to kick October to the trash pile! October has sucked majorly; bring on November!!!

Oh, it was great to read the comments, I do read them, and I am glad to know there are people who stop by once in a while and read what I write!! Thank you for reading me.

Happy Baby!

While cooking dinner every night, I have to find something for Leah to keep busy with. She is 3 months old now, so she gets bored quickly. Tonight, I heard supreme happiness around the corner and this is what I caught on video!

Erick, when you read this eventually, (even though that may be months from now), just know I miss you so much. Know that I AM remembering to make videos of the little things. Do you remember what we used to say when we were first married? It is the little things that make the difference. And so I know you miss us and you miss our home. Here is a little bit of that, a clip of our happy baby! :-) I love you so much Erick.

Okay, I'm back to general blogging, talking to everyone once again. I don't know who reads this blog, my bet is one or two people. Those people being my mother and my father. But I suppose there may be more people reading. I like doing this though, the blogging - even if no one ever reads me. It is my "brain-dump" at the end of the day. Honestly, once I wrote that last post about having to say goodbye to Erick, I felt so very much better afterwards. I felt as though I cleaned that sadness from my head and now I don't have to dwell on it anymore.

Well, the last thing I aim to do here is bore anyone reading. I am off to workout -- I AM going to get back in shape. Man, I am so tempted to skip the workout and go snooze. I have just started exercising again and my body is trying to catch up. ~yawn~. Okay. Aerobics, here I come...

Oh, IF you are one of the people reading this, please feel free to comment! Even if you think I'm no good at this, or if you even like what I've written (hope so), or whatever. I'm just curious if anyone is reading here. Lurking is okay, I do that on a few blogs, but don't be shy! De-lurk and make a comment!

He's gone now...

Her favorite place to nap
Originally uploaded by Bonnie_Williams

Well (~sigh~), this deployment has officially started.

He is already feeling the desert sun on his back and smelling odd, Middle Eastern smells when he breathes. And I don't mean odd smells like food or something... He is most likely in a large tent with hundreds of other Soldiers who haven't had a shower as frequently as they'd like. Also, they are all eating chow from a mess hall, OR even maybe MRE's (Meals Ready to Eat). Those MRE's are designed to last till Judgement Day, so you KNOW there is a ton of preservatives in those. Must smell great! :-)

We were expecting him to leave Friday last week. So I bought all the "last meals at home" food that has become tradition in our home. Favorite breakfast cereals, premium lunch meats, steaks for dinner... that sort of thing. I even made a cherry cheesecake from scratch. And it was a good thing I made the steaks on Wednesday night -- he left the next evening. Thursday had a large group of Soldiers leaving and Erick had some work to do to get that group ready. He was at work all day, the kids were at school and it was a normal day. I called him at 4 pm to see what time I should plan dinner (he was still at work). He said 6 pm, and also that he would be home soon. At 4:30 pm, he called back, saying, "Guess what, I am f@*%ing leaving tonight! We have to be at the quad by 6pm." Here is my account from that moment:

I try very hard to NOT throw up.

"Okay," I say, " I will tell the kids. I love you." I hang up the phone and feel some bile rising up in the back of my throat. I think of telling the kids right away, but I see them innocently watching cartoons, unaware of what is about to happen this night, and I can't tell them yet. I turn around a corner, away from their eyes and let a few tears fall. I do not allow myself the luxury of a full, drowning cry, there is no time for that, there is work to do. I think I have gathered my strength, but no. At the last second I feel more tears trying to form. I retreat into the bathroom and blink them away. I will visit those emotions later, but not until weeks from now. Our baby, Leah, is happily playing on her baby gym, cooing and gurgling on the floor in a pool of the late afternoon sun. I turn the TV off and call Joe and Lily over to me. "Guys, I have to tell you something, okay?" ~gulp~ "You know how daddy was going to have to leave tomorrow night?" They nod their heads --they have not figured it out yet. "Well, his plane is going to leave tonight instead and we will have to say goodbye soon."

Slowly their faces show the realization of what I just said. The tears silently begin to fall, their little faces breaking apart before my eyes. I open my arms to them and they both come into my embrace. With their faces buried in my neck, I allow myself a few more tears. I don't want them to see my cry though. I know if they should see that, any strength they may have will fly away. They need me to be an example of how to be strong. So I say, "Now, who is tired of crying?" They both say they are and I say that I am too. In that moment, they show me how amazing they both are by drying their tears and getting busy. Lily draws a picture for daddy, Joseph gets some cars in his room to play with later. The baby still is happily wiggling around on her gym.

When Erick gets home, he packs the last few things (actually a lot of last few things) in a half hour! He even had to pack some dirty clothes, as we had planned on doing his laundry that night. We get the kids packed into the car as well as coloring books and crayons, the diaper bag and stroller, and an assault pack ready to go to Iraq. Once we were at the quad, I saw that the large group hadn't left yet. I didn't yet know which group Erick would leave with. He was busy with last minute things and not able to be with us right away. So, I am in a field with about 250 people, Soldiers, their wives and children. All saying goodbye, crying, hugging, laughing. The kids are running around playing in the sprinklers while the mother's are urging them to stay dry.

You won't see stronger people anywhere. These families amaze me every time. I stand back and watch each goodbye scene. Some cry very hard, some reminisce and talk about happy memories, some are hopeful and talk of R&R. Some look shell shocked, some look like they will throw up soon, and most are holding on to each other for dear life. But -- they all make the same sacrifice. All those Soldiers climb onto that bus, all those families let go and say goodbye.

Amazing.

I felt so odd. My kids were off playing, the baby fell asleep in her stroller and I was quietly watching all my friends say goodbye to their husbands. I still didn't know when my husband would be leaving; with the big group or later. When the fateful blue buses drove up, my heart sank. Of course, you can hear the same heart sinking sound in the crowd. It makes me think what it must have been like on the Titanic and suddenly feeling the ship sinking. You have been told the ship will go down, but until you feel that heart-wrenching drop, your brain won't accept it. That is what the blue buses feel like. The certainty that they ARE leaving, that this is not a dream. I quickly took the kids over to where my husband was working (we had been trying to stay out of the way), just in case he WAS leaving with the big group. And wheeeeeeew! He was leaving a few hours later.

Once the giant mass of Soldiers had finally left, we could take a little time to be near each other. The kids had to be told to stay nearby, as they wanted to go run and play. I think they were trying to ignore reality a little bit. Erick and I gave those last few hours to our children, so they could each have time with daddy. Joseph, Lily and Leah. They each had hugs, kisses, and talks with Erick before he left. That was all there was time for. He and I held hands, hugged each other hard and kissed goodbye.

So Erick was on the bus at last and I was 10 yards away holding Leah. Joe and Lily were next to me waving goodbye with the panicky, frantic waving you do when you say goodbye to someone you love. Those buses; they ALWAYS sit for a few horrendous minutes. You can see your man, he can see you. The kids can see daddy, he can see the them. Hell, he can even call you on the cell phone and talk. But you are already separated by the window in the bus and it feels like it is 1000 feet thick. And then the bus drives away and he is gone. Just me and the kids left, so we make our way back to our van. As I have had to put the baby into her car seat, she starts to cry loudly. Joseph asks me if Leah is crying because she misses daddy. It breaks my heart to say "No buddy, she isn't even old enough to know he's gone".

I let Joe and Lily sleep in bed with me. For them as much as for me. We watch Ratatouille and eat popcorn in bed. I tell them they will feel a lot better in the morning. We pass out together and snuggle all night long. The next day the kids and I DO feel better. We take it slow, clean the place up and de-Erick-ify. His shoes were still out where he'd left them, and his laundry with his smell was still in our room. Everywhere we looked we were reminded of him being gone and that was too hard to deal with. Once the house was picked up, we were able to start getting on with life. There are still chores to do, homework and housework, and "You still have to be nice to your sister/brother!" :-).

Joe and Lily miss Erick as much as you can imagine, I do too. I bet baby Leah will notice her daddy is gone. The dog even misses him. But each day we deal a bit better than before. We are pretty strong here, and the kids continue to amaze me.

Some neighborhood kids come over with long faces. They tell me their daddy just left today and they are feeling sad. They ask if they can come inside to play. "Of course you can." I say. How can I resist? And upstairs I can hear the children talking about their feelings with each other, dealing with it and then, getting into playtime.

Amazing.

The Hawaiian "AAhhh - Warm Home" feeling.

"Welcome to the Ocean, kiddo!"
Originally uploaded by Bonnie_Williams

I have lived most of my life in full-season states. What I mean by that is states that have a change of weather. Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall. Fall was always my favorite. I loved the bite in the air, crisp but not frigid like Winter. I loved the crunching leaves when I went walking. I have very vivid memories of walking to school with my mom when we lived in Ohio. We would talk about the different colored leaves, about school and what we might do afterward. Once school was over, and we walked all the way home, I was so cold! With a pink nose, wind-reddened cheeks and some stiff fingers, I was looking for some comfort. I know you can relate to this basic desire - to find a warm kitchen with soup or chili on the stove and mug of hot cocoa ready. You put on your fuzzy socks, get a blanket and find a comedy on TV. Meanwhile outside, the wind still blows, the temperature keeps falling and the sun starts to go down early. As you glance once more out the window, a chill tickles the back of your neck, memories of two hours ago when you were still out there. You settle farther down in the sofa, secure that you are safe, snug and warm inside your home.

Well, I have since moved away, and been living in Hawaii for the past 5 1/2 years. Here we have Sunny and Rainy. Sometimes Rainy gets mixed with a little wind, and sometimes it is A LOT of wind; then we just call it a Monsoon. So I have been here on Oahu getting spoiled with warm days, no cold days to bundle up for. I'll admit, I don't miss Winter one bit. I don't miss the icy windshield that needs to be scraped at 5 AM (and you can't find the REAL ice scraper so you have to use the plastic cover to a CD lying at the bottom of your car -- which then snaps apart mid-scrape...). I can do without the harrowing drive into work on sheets of black ice. I especially don't miss feeling that rouge snowflake dive bomb into my shirt - even though I am wearing a turtleneck AND a scarf - Nope, don't miss any of that.

~I will hide behind my beach umbrella and wait while you all throw rotten fruit at me~ :-)

Okay, I know that sounds like I am bragging about living here in the tropics. While it's true I don't miss all that cold mess, all you "Winter/Fall Folk" have something I DO miss - that "AAhhhh - Warm Home" feeling.

The Hawaiian equivalent of that "AAhhhh - Warm Home" feeling is what I will tell you about today.

We went to the beach today with some friends. About 15 minutes from our home is North Shore, Oahu. It actually is world famous in surfing circles; during December and January especially, there are very large waves. A few years ago they grew to be 30 foot waves! Awesome, to watch. ;-) Now, in October, the waves aren't that big. They are bigger than usual, but not monstrous. Still the beach we went to had the red flag warning - the undertow was strong. Joe and Lily were smart about the ocean, as usual. I think they recognize how much power it has and they are in no hurry to drown. They played as the waves came up on shore, but they didn't even try to go out in the water. They were happy just digging holes in the sand, finding shells and letting the waves on shore wash over them. Once, Lily even found a live crab that washed up. It was only walnut-sized, but Lily thought it was dead (there are a lot of dead crab bodies at the beach). She nearly jumped out of her skin when she realized the little guy in her hand was alive! There also were sea turtles swimming about 10 feet from shore. They looked just like Crush, the sea turtle in Finding Nemo.

"Duuude"

This was Leah's first trip to the beach. We used a few beach umbrellas, a floppy hat and LOTS of sunscreen, the 50+ SPF... Oh yeah, she was slathered and well protected from the sun. After hanging out with mom and dad on the sand for little while, it was time to introduce her to the Pacific. We started by dunking her feet. She looked concerned and not too sure about the ocean. She had the furrow between her eyebrows that says, "I don't think I am liking this, I am going to start crying now. Waaaahhh!" After the first shock - that wave (see picture) didn't help - she chilled out a bit and tolerated the sand and water. That was about it for her, she spent the rest of the day napping on Erick's shoulder.

I took advantage of all the kids being occupied and safe, and took the boogie board out in the water. My friend Val and I tried to catch some waves, but of course no luck. :-( Neither of us get to really go out swimming when we go to the beach. A lot of the time we are by ourselves, our husbands in Iraq, and we have to keep eyes on all the kids. So today was fun; her and I had the chance to go try and surf. I paddled out a bit (that is hard work!) and next thing I know I'm 3 feet from a sea turtle! The turtle and I parted ways and once again I tried to catch a wave, but they were not big enough to ride. That is when it started to rain. Not a hard, driving rain, but still. When you are floating in the Pacific with turtles and waves, and the rain starts to come down, you don't just get wet, you become waterlogged. Time for me to go ashore ("Goodbye, sea turtles!"). We packed up our stuff and loaded the car. That isn't easy to do when you are about 100 yards away from the car, with three kids. We had to take lots of trips to the car and all the while we were sandy, wet and worn out. Tired from walking up and down the sand, digging holes and from all the paddling in the waves. Then we have to still go shower and get the sand washed out - while it is still raining.

So here is the Hawaiian "AAhhh - Warm Home" feeling:

We are all in the van, with our damp towels underneath us. The pitter pat of the rain is all around us. Our body heat is starting to blend with the sea water and there is a muggy, stickiness to the air in our van. We are all tired, wet and still somehow finding sand in spite of the showers AND the rain... Fifteen minutes later we are nearing home. We have started to feel a little bit drier after the ride, but then we have to get out of the van and run for the door at home. Wet once again, we burst in the door and make for the showers. Hot showers to wash the salt and sand away. Conditioner for my hair, which is like straw from the seawater and sun. Lip balm to soften my dried out lips. The kids are washed up and in comfy, dry clothes. The baby is in a fresh diaper and a dry onesie. I am in my flannel pajamas pants, my hair is in a simple ponytail and I have no makeup on. Downstairs, Erick has a pot of coffee brewing, and on the stove top there is a pan of cocoa heating up. Outside it is dark and grey. The rain is sheeting down our windows and the clean, washed earth smell wafts in our screen door. We are warm and DRY, sipping our hot drinks. Wonder what funny movie is on right now...

Navigating the Information Superhighway

soccer6
Originally uploaded by Bonnie_Williams

So my first post seems to have worked, I actually appear to be getting the hang of this blogging thing! Now I have created an account with Flickr so I can add tons of photos to the mix. I am therefore using this post as a test to see if I have really linked this photostream to my blog. I think I have, but you don't know unless you try it! Just think, I used to work in the computer field, and now I am getting tripped up by all this internet stuff. I know somewhere there is a 12 year old kid whizzing through blogs and linking http and jpgs... and ________(insert more internet/computer jargon here)...

Oh, to comment about the photo I am posting, after every game, all the soccer moms and dads make a human tunnel to run through. The kids love it, they also love kicking your shins (not on purpose - I think...) getting the dirt/mud all over the place. Sometimes they come through the end of the tunnel on their bellies:-) Soccer is over for the season, and while it was rough on me (Leah was born 2 weeks into the season, and Erick was away for a month), I do miss it a little, seeing Joe's excited face and hearing about his practice. He had a lot of fun, but he also had to be prompted a lot as well. He is the kid you hear about who is daydreaming when the ball is coming straight for them. He was also the kid most likely to kick the ball the wrong way down the field. But it was good for him, he learned a little, and he made friends. Couldn't ask for more.

Why I will blog...

Tonight there is a chicken roasting in the oven, potatoes on the stove and killer chocolate dipped cookies in the fridge for dessert. The kids are watching a movie and the baby is having "daddy time". It is the typical American Dream, and I know how very blessed I am to have such a life. I'm glad Leah is having time with her daddy, she is only 3 months old and she needs all the time she can get. Her daddy will be leaving for Iraq soon (3rd time). I am so proud of my husband and what he sacrifices for us. He has to find the strength to walk away from everything he loves and step on that airplane. I stay home worrying for his safety while raising our 3 kids. We each have to be strong for each other to get through a deployment. That isn't the point of this blog, however.

I have had a My Space account for several years (www.myspace.com/happynhawaii) but I know not all of my family has an account (or the time to manage it). So I kept making slide shows so everyone could see the pictures without signing up. That works okay I guess, but on this blog I can keep a little journal of the day/week and have pictures as well. Also, since my husband Erick will be deploying soon, he can have a place to come and see how we are doing. The Internet is s l o w in Iraq and My Space takes a long time for him to load. The same thing with downloading photos on email. This blog should be the answer to all those problems.

By now your eyes are rolling in the back of your head and your starting to drool all over your keyboard. I know that wasn't very exciting, that last paragraph. While I can't promise that I will have exciting, dramatic and/or riveting stories, I will try to be entertaining with my writing. I used to be quite a writer back in school, I guess we will see if I still got it! I will mostly use this to provide a sample of my day, the thoughts I have, sweet and cute things the children do (with pictures!) and random odds and ends.

So, as my margarita is dwindling down to the bottom of my glass, it is time for me sign off tonight, and go take my husband upstairs to put him to bed.